Funny out of office messages, still safe to send to a client.

I'm on vacation until [return date], somewhere sunny, pretending email was never invented. If it's urgent, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. If it's not urgent, it will still be not urgent on [return date]. [Your name]

Hello! I'm currently on vacation, working on my tan instead of my inbox. Progress on both is going exactly as you'd expect. I'll be back on [return date]. Until then, [colleague's name] is holding the fort at [their email]. Sunscreen and regards, [Your name]

Out of office. Out of reach. Out of sunscreen, probably. Back [return date]. Urgent? Contact [colleague's name] at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm out sick. My immune system is in a meeting with a virus, and it's running long. I expect to be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] is healthy and can help at [their email]. [Your name]

Hello! I'm out sick today, wrapped in a blanket and negotiating with a cup of tea. I'll be back on [return date], hopefully with my voice. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

Hi, this is [Your name]'s inbox. [Your name] is out of the office until [return date] and left me in charge, which was a bold choice, because I'm an inbox. For anything urgent, [colleague's name] is an actual human and can help at [their email]. Yours in storage, The inbox

I'm on undefined leave, reporting to a new boss who is very small, very loud and doesn't believe in sleep. I'll be back on [return date]. Until then, [colleague's name] is covering for me at [their email]. [Your name]

Hello! I've been promoted to Chief Diaper Officer, so I'm on undefined leave until [return date]. The hours are terrible and the pay is in smiles. While I'm out, [colleague's name] is covering for me and can help at [their email]. [Your name]

Thank you for your email. It has been received, read by no one, and placed gently on a pile. I'm on undefined leave until [return date], when I'll work through the pile with coffee and determination. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] is holding the fort at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm traveling for work, which means I'm in the air, in a taxi, or in a hotel lobby asking for the Wi-Fi password. I'll reply when I'm back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm traveling for work until [return date]. If your email is urgent, please resend it in all caps. (Kidding. Please contact [colleague's name] at [their email].) [Your name]

I'm at a conference, collecting lanyards, tote bags and, occasionally, knowledge. I'll be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm in training until [return date], getting even better at my job. My inbox, sadly, did not sign up for the course. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm taking a personal day. That's all I'll say, which is exactly what makes it personal. Back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

I've been summoned for jury duty. I'll be back on [return date], or whenever my fellow jurors and I reach a verdict, whichever comes later. In the meantime, the court recognizes [colleague's name], who can help at [their email]. [Your name]

I'm off getting married and then honeymooning, which I'm told takes priority over email. I'll be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] has agreed to love, honor and answer my email at [their email]. [Your name]

I've left the building. And the company. [last day] was my last day, so this inbox is now a museum. For anything current, [colleague's name] is the curator: [their email]. [Your name]

I've retired. My new schedule is golf, naps and not reading this. [colleague's name] would love to help you instead, at [their email]. [Your name]

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, I've retired and no longer care. Just kidding, I care a little. Please contact [colleague's name] at [their email]. [Your name]

Thanks for your email! I'm out for Thanksgiving, in a food coma that should wear off by [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] skipped the second slice of pie and can help at [their email]. Happy Thanksgiving! [Your name]

Hello! I'm away for Thanksgiving, giving thanks somewhere far from my inbox. Today I'm thankful for family, for pie, and for your patience, in that order. I'll be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. [Your name]

Thanks for your email. I'm out for the holidays, and I've checked my inbox twice: it can wait until [return date]. If yours is on the urgent list, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. Happy holidays! [Your name]

Hello! Your email has arrived safely, but I'm off for the holidays, doing important seasonal work: eating cookies, wrapping presents badly and watching the same movies as last year. I'll be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. Merry everything, [Your name]

In honor of Labor Day, I'm not doing any. I'll be back on [return date]. If it can't wait, [colleague's name] can help at [their email]. Enjoy the long weekend! [Your name]